Off the Beaten Track – Again

It’s been more than a year since I’ve written in my blog.   I haven’t written at all.  I’ve missed out on many things in life, as life continued.  How is that possible?

I went back to work in a field where I felt I barely knew anything anymore.  I felt humiliated.  In that time, however, I ended up handling some of the firm’s most important clients.  

My hours were generally long.  I would arrive at work around 8:30 and stay past 7.  I didn’t get paid overtime, and not a few of my coworkers asked me why I would work so hard if I wasn’t getting anything for it?  

Well, I needed to – I needed to prove to myself that I could do well.  I needed to try to rebuild my life from where I had left off and felt I had lost so much.  

My assignment ended at the end of last month, after a year and 3 months.  The company decided to move all of our jobs elsewhere where labor was cheaper, first to Houston, then India.  

The funny thing is that I was looking forward to my assignment ending, although I took pride in my work and in working with a wonderful group of people.  My boyfriend, who is a retired fireman and paramedic who broke his neck in the line of duty, told me, “I’ve had to rebuild my life maybe three times.  You’re still drowning in your first one.”  

And I realized what he said was true – I was putting all my energy into proving to myself that I could make it back in New York.  And when I had done what I set out to do – settled down in a nice home, a good job, walked in the familiar and yet new streets – I came to realize that I had changed.  It wasn’t what I needed or wanted anymore.